Wednesday, April 6th 2011: I packed my car with everything important I could find. I cried on the shoulders of my 2 best friends, Nell and Marc, and said goodbye to my Godchildren. I walked away from a miserable, failing marriage. I knew that no matter how much effort we put into marriage counseling or therapists that I could/would never forget everything that happened.. everything that was said... I guess you can label me a quiter. I really don't care what people think of me, I did what was right for me. If that means leaving the man I loved, that did not love me back, then so be it.
That day I not only crossed 2 state lines, but I got to experience the feeling of being ripped apart. It's painful to go from wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone, to not wanting to be in the same room. To be scared of what their next words will be.. Getting physically ill by their touch. Yet you still love them. It's also hard to get over the shock of realizing the person you married is not the person that proposed.
That day I not only crossed 2 state lines, but I got to experience the feeling of being ripped apart. It's painful to go from wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone, to not wanting to be in the same room. To be scared of what their next words will be.. Getting physically ill by their touch. Yet you still love them. It's also hard to get over the shock of realizing the person you married is not the person that proposed.
In leaving him, I had to leave behind "My 4". 
I missed my Godson's 1st birthday. I had to work that day, and I was useless. I cried most of the day. I missed Marc's bday, and then I missed Nell's. Those were hard times. Then came my Goddaughter, I was a day late for her bday but I still got to see her fresh new age (5 years old) before her own Granny (the one that don't like me! lol)
I hate how emotional I've gotten. I find it a weakness. On my days off I wake up and sometimes my first thought is "Let's hang out at Nell's today" and then I fully wake up and realize Im an 8 hour drive away from spending the day with
my 4. I hate Walmart now, I have no one to ask out on a date.. haha
Leaving them was like ripping my soul out and letting it get raped while I stand by and watch. That doesn't sound pretty.
I'm home now, and I have a job. It pays, and that's all I'll say on that. haha
I will say one good thing though, that hospital has a lot of pretty men! :-)
I'm making new friends, and I'm finding out how much I suck at keeping in touch. I really suck at this. In a few days I will be filing for divorce. I think that will be a rough day, I plan on doing it on my day off. So if need be I can spend the day in bed crying and on the phone will Nell. She's my rock. She's has been such a good friend, I only hope I can be half as good in return.
I'm getting better, but I know the day I file and the day it's official will be hard days.
Every once in awhile I have days where I just sit and am overwhelmed with the feelings of loss and failure..
I missed my Godson's 1st birthday. I had to work that day, and I was useless. I cried most of the day. I missed Marc's bday, and then I missed Nell's. Those were hard times. Then came my Goddaughter, I was a day late for her bday but I still got to see her fresh new age (5 years old) before her own Granny (the one that don't like me! lol)I hate how emotional I've gotten. I find it a weakness. On my days off I wake up and sometimes my first thought is "Let's hang out at Nell's today" and then I fully wake up and realize Im an 8 hour drive away from spending the day with
my 4. I hate Walmart now, I have no one to ask out on a date.. hahaLeaving them was like ripping my soul out and letting it get raped while I stand by and watch. That doesn't sound pretty.
I'm home now, and I have a job. It pays, and that's all I'll say on that. haha
I will say one good thing though, that hospital has a lot of pretty men! :-)
I'm making new friends, and I'm finding out how much I suck at keeping in touch. I really suck at this. In a few days I will be filing for divorce. I think that will be a rough day, I plan on doing it on my day off. So if need be I can spend the day in bed crying and on the phone will Nell. She's my rock. She's has been such a good friend, I only hope I can be half as good in return.
I'm getting better, but I know the day I file and the day it's official will be hard days.
Every once in awhile I have days where I just sit and am overwhelmed with the feelings of loss and failure..
I know I’m known for saying I don’t miss him, but I know that’s not entirely true. I know I say I'm ok, but again, I know that isn't entirely true. I do feel like somewhere I failed. I feel that I did my best for my 2 years of marriage. I know people would argue that, but it's my failed marriage, not theirs. It is nice to realize that I think about him less and less, and that is a comforting thought. It's good to leave behind the bad and move forward. I think moving on is off the meat rack. ;-)
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